A Wandering Widow

Last December, my son and I were in Cambria for the Cambria Christmas Market. We decided to drive to Morro Bay to have lunch with our friends. It was a gorgeous day on the central coast and I remember saying to my son “I should move over here for a year.” I’ve told him several times that he shouldn’t be surprised if I text him one day and tell him I’m staying in whatever locale I happen to be in. But this particular time, I was serious. We went home and I immediately started looking at jobs. Unfortunately, the type of job that I wanted was not going to pay the bills. I really wanted to work at a winery but I realized that I was going to have to find a job that 1) paid enough for me to live there and 2) had benefits.

I was already working as a 911 dispatcher and I knew that was a skill that I could carry to another agency. And most law enforcement agencies are understaffed right now. I applied at San Luis Obispo Police Department but my application as a lateral was denied because I didn’t have State certification. I then applied at Paso Robles Police Department and started the testing process pretty much right away. The process took about four months. I went through a written test, interview, background investigation, polygraph, and psychological examination. I finally got a start date in May. I had already secured an apartment in Cambria where I would stay during the testing process.

Leaving my job in Tehachapi was bittersweet. I loved every single person that I worked with. I’ve never cried when I left a job before. But I was excited about my new job in Paso Robles. I was less excited about my apartment in Cambria. Luckily it was month to month and I ended up finding a really cute place five minutes from my new job in Paso.

I worked four days a week and then I drove home to Tehachapi on my weekends. It was a 2 hour and 40 minute drive each way. But I wanted to see my son and my critters so I made the trek.

I put a lot of pressure on myself to do well at the new job. Even though I was already a dispatcher, different agencies do things very differently. The first month I think I was just overwhelmed with learning new codes, verbiage, names, faces, etc.

By the second month, I was lonely and wondering if I had made the right decision. All I did was work, eat, sleep and drive. My visions of wine tasting, and time with friends weren’t happening. I was putting more pressure on myself to make everything work but it wasn’t. After a particularly stressful night, I decided to talk to my supervisor. I was told to go to the training I was scheduled for and take that time to decide what I wanted to do. So, I did. I really needed that time to reassess everything.

So, when I returned from training I resigned my position. Thankfully I was able to be reinstated in Tehachapi because I was gone less than six months. I was welcomed with open arms and I’m very happy to be back. I was gone almost four months to the day.

I am not sorry that tried something new. I feel that if I hadn’t gone I would’ve regretted it. And I met some really amazing people. I still have my rental and already have plans to use it with friends.

When Kirstie Alley died, her ex-husband Parker Stevenson said that Kirstie was trying to fit six lifetimes into one. I feel like that sometimes. There are so many things I want to experience while I’m on this earth. The problem is, everything I do, there’s still something missing. I was very lucky to have 28 years with Kevin but it certainly wasn’t enough time. He’s been gone four years and while things are different, they aren’t necessarily easier. The loneliness is overwhelming at times. But at least now I’m back with my son and my dogs, cats, donkeys and goats. They all seem to be pretty happy I’m home.