After the loss of my husband, I bonded with an old friend who had just lost his wife to cancer. We had known each other for over 25 years but had never really spent time together. Getting together for our monthly lunches was something I really looked forward to. A lot of people assumed we were dating and we just laughed and let them think what they wanted.
In March of 2022, we took a trip together to a spa in Avila Beach. We had such a good time pampering ourselves. On the drive home we talked about starting a podcast where we would talk about our grief, but in a light hearted way. We wanted to call it Good Grief (which we later found out was already taken). After we got home, we talked about buying a house together over at the coast.
He ended up meeting a woman in April of 2022 and I was busy with my new job and we didn’t keep in touch like we should’ve. In November we talked about heading back over to Avila Beach at the beginning of the year, but he started dating someone else so we didn’t go.
My friend committed suicide yesterday. I was notified this morning. I am absolutely heartbroken. I’m sad and angry. He had so much to live for. He could’ve reached out to me or any number of other friends who would’ve been there for him.
In a couple of months I should be starting my new job and our dream of living at the coast could’ve been a reality. But I can’t tell him that now.
I know my friend never got over losing his wife. I don’t think its anything any of us get over, but we get through. We get through with the help of our family, our friends, our faith. I don’t know why my friend decided he didn’t want to live anymore. We never know what others are going through. All we can do is be kind to one another.
If you have feelings of hopelessness, please reach out. The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline is 1-800-273-8255 or text 741741.
I’ll miss you my friend.
A Wandering Widow 
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